No one likes conflict and
most will try to avoid it at all costs which can actually cause more of a
conflict because the problem or issue is not addressed. There are assumptions that can be made
without confirming with the other party and feelings and emotions can become
very high. This week’s readings have
opened my eyes to different and better ways to deal with conflict and how to resolve
them in a more efficient manner.
Every year my daughter spends the summer with her dad
from the last day of school and until about 2 weeks before school starts again
in the fall. This works well because she
gets to spend time with her dad and I don’t have to worry about how to make my
10 hour days work to get her to day camp each day. This also helps me pay down some debt since I
don’t have to pay out for day care for her.
Recently my ex-husband informed me that he was not going
to take her until July because he and his wife wanted her to come when his step
son was going to be there so the kids could spend time together. I sent him an email asking him to reconsider
the dates because ultimately she was there to see him not anyone else. I laid out alternate dates and stated my
position on this. When I didn’t receive
any responses for a week I assumed that everything was fine and that he decided
to go with the new dates. He sent me a
text saying that he was sticking with the dates he had mentioned to me
previously and that was final.
We went both and forth through text messages until I
called him to have an actual conversation.
He was very upset and starting talking about Christmas time and her
upcoming First communion instead of discussing the matter at hand. I was very confused at first until I realized
that he had been holding in all these feelings and emotions about things that
had happened previously but didn’t talk to me about.
After I let him talk about what he was frustrated about I
went back through his concerns and pointed out that he had to communicate with
me about his concerns. I finally got out
of him that he would be in the middle of moving in June and that he didn’t want
her to have to live out of a suitcase until the household goods arrived. He also assumed that I had chosen a God
Parent for our daughter’s first communion and that I didn’t let him know about
it. I explained to him I had no idea
that she had to have another set of God parents for her communion because she
already had God parents when she was baptized.
I had to try to remain calm and not get mad because he
was making all kinds of assumptions without actually talking to me about these
things first. Reading through Stewart
Levine’s ten principles of new thinking there were a few ways on both parts
that would have made this conflict easier to deal with. With new thinking such as creating a
partnership, being creative, becoming open, and disclosing information and
feelings this conversation would have had a better outcome.
Using these new ways of thinking we could have remained
calm about the conversation and worked through the best way to approach the
issues that he had by disclosing his feelings about what he thought was going
on. Reviewing these steps and thinking
back to our conversation I feel that I would have done better by utilizing this
for a quicker resolution. By fostering collaboration
instead of conflict we could have come up with some better ways to communicate
in a more effective manner where we would both feel more comfortable.
This
week’s material I believe will help me work through conflicts both in my personal
and professional live. I only wish I had
this book about 6 years ago!
No comments:
Post a Comment