After reading the eight attributes of supportive communication I realize that if we incorporated these steps into our everyday tasks, we would have more effective communications between coworkers and our director. Right now we do pretty well as a group but as I was reading through each attribute I found myself thinking, “oh this is something that coworker A does” or “wow I think this something I do that I need to work on to become more effective”. By understanding how I communicate as well as how that interaction affects my coworkers and our customers (the student), I can work on changing my techniques and approaches to communicating by implements these attributes.
Congruence, not incongruence communication deals with saying what you mean and meaning what you say. This seems pretty simple to me. Be honest in what you are saying and make sure that what you are saying is what you are feeling and is what you intended to say. The important thing is to remember that sometimes being honest can hurt another’s feelings without you meaning to. For example, there is a coworker who is always saying “listen” when she is explaining something to a student or even a coworker. The tone of her voice suggests that she is talking down to others. I would approach her and ask what it is that she is feeling when she says this and what is it that she is really trying to get across to the person she is talking to. Is it that she is frustrated because the person does not understand what she is explaining? Or is the student interrupting her and not letting her answer the question he is asking? Once this is figured out suggestions can be made to change her tone to be more open instead of condescending.
Descriptive not evaluative communication deals with being able to be objective about a situation by describing what happened, the consequences of the situation and suggesting a better outcome or alternative to the situation. You are talking about the problem and how to solve it versus laying blame or passing judgment on an individual based on their behavior of the situation (this can also be called hasty moral judgment in some cases). By stepping back and looking at the problem and then approaching it with a better outcome instead of blaming someone by attacking them you come with a solution that works for all involved. This supportive communication would work well for our department. For example, during a meeting one of our coworkers brought up a verification question and said that she had been adding in a component to the verification process that should not have been done. When we all weighed in at the same time about how that was wrong she felt personally attacked and got very defensive about it saying that she was doing what she thought was correct and that it was helping some students by giving them more money and that she was not doing anything wrong.
What we should have done was to ask more questions about the situation she was seeing these in, was it only once in a while or was it all the time? Did she find anything in the regulations that might have led her to believe she should have been adding this component? Did she check with the verification manager or run her thoughts past anyone else to see what they thought. Once this was established we could have used the descriptive communication steps to have a better outcome.
Problem-oriented not person-oriented communication deals with problem and issues and how they can be changed rather than the individual persons characteristics. By saying “this is the issue” instead of “you are the issue” you are using problem-oriented instead of person-oriented techniques. Problem-oriented focuses on the issue at hand that can be changed or altered instead of person-oriented which focuses on things that can’t be changed. This would apply to the example I used above. This coworker can be very defensive and doesn’t like to think she is wrong and by focusing on the problem at hand (should the component be added or not) and not her personally the situation can be diffused and everyone will have a better understanding on what to do in the future. When it is laid out in as a regulation there isn’t much room for disagreement.
Validating not invalidating communication deals with making sure people feel accepted and understood and that their opinion counts. Two ways to do this is through flexibility and two way communication. By being interested in what others have to say and understanding that they may have more knowledge on a topic leads to better solutions and a better relationship with coworkers. It is also important to be able to express your thoughts and have an opportunity to “have the floor” and participate in the conversation. This is something we do on our meetings however we need to be more respectful of each other and giving everyone the chance to “have the floor” and explain our thoughts without being interrupted by others who are trying to follow what we are saying without it being completely expressed.
Specific not global communication deals with specific ideas or statements that we can understand and accomplish. When you are communicating more globally or extreme you are not specific in what is needed and this can lead to confusion and contention. Extreme thinking such as “you are with me or you are against me” is also called black and white thinking. There are no alternatives with this type of thinking. When you can be more specific with your communication, behaviors can change and you can accomplish more. If we are told verifications are going to be easier it doesn’t really tell us anything because it is a general statement. If we are told the verification is going to be simplified because all the components will be on the same page and we have specific elements to verify then we can take this information and process it and change the way we process to be more streamlined.
Conjunctive not disjunctive communication deals with staying on topic to make it simple. By adding on to the topic at hand you are keeping everything flowing. When we are in meetings there is one coworker who constantly throws the meeting out of control by stating something completely off topic. She will pass out an article that has nothing to do with financial aid and usually when we are in the middle of discussing a topic that requires our full attention. At our last meeting when she tried to go off topic my director asked her politely what it had to do with anything we were talking about. I think she got the point because she hasn’t done it again. It is okay to do at the end of the meeting when we are done but not in the middle. I am going to suggest that maybe we leave about 10 minutes at the end so we can do a round table to catch up on things not financial aid related so there is an opportunity to get these ”fun” things out there.
Owned not disowned communication deals with taking responsibility for your statements by using first person. By doing this you own up to your communication. This can help you invest in yourself and become a better person for it. I believe we could all use a lesson when it comes to this. It is easy to say “we all thought” when in fact it was only two of us who thought about it. I know that my director has an easy going manner and can pull out of me things I need to improve on by owning up to what it is I should be working on and how to be more productive.
Supportive listening not one way message delivery communication deals with being able to listen and respond effectively by using reflective thinking. It takes some skill to be able to listen and listen well and not jump in or try to jump to the conclusion because you think you have gotten the jest of what the other person is saying. Most people think they are good listeners when in fact they are not. I thought it was interesting to read that we tend to interrupt those we are close to whether they are family or coworkers. I tell my daughter all the time did you listen to what I said? She will say yes and then I ask her but did you hear what I said. There is a difference between listening and hearing. It is important to be able to listen and respond effectively at work and at home.
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