A521.5.8.RB Value Narrative

Before the operations center came on board back in January of 2010, the calls were answered by student assistants who on average took about 200 calls a day.  Sometimes students would be on hold for close to 2 hours before they were able to speak to an actual human being.  The financial aid office was not operating to the best of its abilities to satisfy the customer.  Many students were not getting their financial aid in a timely manner which meant that they were not taking classes and this affected enrollment which affected profitability and targeted goals for many campuses that relied on these enrollments.

In order to provide quality customer service the operations center took over our 800 number and began taking calls 24/7.  This meant that calls would be answered within 3 minutes and most of the students questions would be answered in a timely manner. What couldn’t be answered would be escalated to our office and the escalation would be answered within 24-48 hours.  This was much better than the 2-3 week wait for a return phone call from a voicemail.

At first the operations center was met with resistance from the students of all people!  They thought they were talking to people in another country (think of Peggy from the Capital One commercials) and would call financial aid directly to say that someone was impersonating our university.  There were even a few who felt it should go back to the way it was before even though the operations center had increased enrollment because students were able to get their issues resolved in a timely manner these few didn’t like change. 

 Now that the operations center was under way was it making a difference?  Data was analyzed and more training was conducted and still is today to better service the customer.  It was clear that the operation center taking the calls outweighed the few problems that came with it (sometimes going over budget for the month in calls, continuous training that is required) and the increase in financial aid paid out, increase in enrollment and prospective students proved this.

The purpose of the operations center is continue the values that ERAU WW has and that is to provide the best possible service and education to its students.  By finding a way to improve services to the student not only did ERAU listen to the students who said that there had to be a better way but they took action to follow through.  There has been a 20% increase in enrollment (due to students receiving their aid faster) because of the operations centers.  Many other departments have now taken our lead and utilize the operations center to help increase student satisfaction and this in turn promotes our integrity to provide the best service possible.  

A521.5.4.RB - Aligning Values

Everyone hopes that they work for an organization that has the general idea of what being ethical is about and that they in turn expect the same type of ethical behavior from their employees.  Is that organization just about making money or do they really care about their customer and their employees as a whole?  Does the organization hold simple truths about who they are so that everyone is aware of them?  I believe my organization does this as well as my department.

In chapter 6, Transmit Your Values Denning talks about three basic elements of ethics:

·         Trust: idea that we will engage and behave ethically toward each other

·         Loyalty: to the organization and fellow employees within that organization a commitment to not fail that trust while doing their said duties to the organization

·         Solidarity: taking an interest and genuine concern for other people and taking action on behalf of your fellow coworkers even if is not in line with your personal interests

These components I feel are important in any setting not just in business but in a personal setting as well.  Who doesn’t want trust, loyalty and solidarity?  In the organization world it can be the glue that holds a business together and without it may well fall apart.

For my department I can say that we have these three basic but most important elements.   We must trust our director is going to do his best to get us the training materials we need to keep up with regulations, the space we need to be able to speak with students, and go to bat for us when he knows we are behind in our work. He has to trust that we not take advantage of him by constantly coming in late or leaving early, lying about our work, or not being truthful with our students.  He doesn’t have to always check that we are doing our work and that we are doing it correctly because he has faith and trust in our abilities. 

His trust in us shows in the many opportunities we are afforded (being able to work overtime when needed, traveling to conferences and campuses) and upper management sees this as well.  They are not asking him why we are doing what we do they are praising him for how well and efficiently we do our jobs and that we get a majority of our students paid their financial aid.

This trust leads us to loyalty because without trust there would not be any loyalty.  Our department has continued to experience growth in the last 4 years and we have had very little turnover since I started (we only lost a former director and one counselor because they didn’t adhere to these three basic components).  When there is talk of getting other positions within our department I get phone calls and emails from people in other departments and some who for other companies who want to come work for our department.  Not because financial aid is so much fun and challenging but because of that trust and loyalty that our department has for one another.

It can be seen on a daily basis when you walk by our area.  We work closely together and the common goal is to provide the best service possible for our customers—the students and campuses.  It is this trust and loyalty that makes our department cohesive in many ways.  If one of the counselors are out the others jump in and help.  There is no worry that someone’s work won’t get done because we trust each other to help out even if there is a conflict of personalities between counselors the director knows we will work together.  He doesn’t have to worry that the work will not get done.

The third component solidarity is something that we have but not to the degree that we should.  This is one area that as a department we must work on to make us stronger and more cohesive.    Because we work so closely some personalities do not mesh well though on the outside it is not something you may be able to spot right away.  Some of us truly care about the interests of others however there are a few that are only looking out for themselves and they will make a point of letting you know that they are helping you out just in case you forget.  It is not about trying to crush others to get ahead in the organization.  We are all in this together.

This is not what solidarity is about and there are some courses of action that are currently being taken to help in this area.  There will be a retreat with team building exercises that will hopefully bring us together as a team and make us more cohesive.  It will be a great chance to come together and get out some of these underlying issues that we have.  Once this is done the department will then truly be able to say that we are a genuinely ethical community.

As for the organization itself I think that solidarity is something that needs to be practiced across the board.  ERAU is one university though we have two main campuses (Daytona and Prescott) and the worldwide headquarters there is not the feeling of being one university.  For example, the state of the university address is split up so that Daytona has one and then WW has one.   Distance is not an issue as we are right down the street from the campus.  I believe that there needs to be some education about the differences but most importantly the similarities between the campuses.  We are one university and this needs to be conveyed to each campus.

There was a time when students were not told that worldwide was an option to get an education if they couldn’t afford to attend the main campuses.  The suggestion was to attend another college.  Why take money away from our own university?  This was because there was a lack of education in what ERAU had and still has to offer.  There is a new program that is starting next fall called the 2+2 where a student attends the worldwide campus for the first two years and then transfers to the Daytona campus for the last two years.  It is a first step but it needs to be pushed at all levels.  We are here for the same reason and that is to give students the best education possible.

A521.5.1.RB - Core Workplace Value Assessment

I have worked in the financial aid office for 4 years now and every day I still wake up excited to go to work.  I started as a counselor and have worked my way up to manager of direct loans and verifications as well as being the trainer for our call center.  I feel that this type of work really suits me well.  I get to problem solve, guide students, guide the counselors and expand my learning.  At the call center I get to interact with the agents and get their perspective.  At the same time they can ask me questions or get clarification on topics which in turn help with answering calls.

            When I apply for a job I try to think about what I want out of the position. For example, when I applied for my position at ERAU Worldwide I knew I wanted to work for ERAU again because of the benefits, summer hours, and chance of advancement.  I also knew that I wanted to be challenged and I did not know anything about financial aid and thought it would be a great addition to my knowledge base.  I heard about Worldwide and wanted to see how different it was from the residential campus.  The things I feel are important to me in any job I take are (based on the assessment I took):

·         To be challenged, working toward problem-solving

·         Have a balance with work and family, will there be time to explore both and be satisfied?

·         Job security (as much as one can hope for) and stability

·         Will what I do help others?

·         A fast work pace with variety

·         A chance for training and professional development that can lead to advancement within my department and/or the organization

·         Having the ability to make decisions and influence possible change for the better good of the department and organization overall

·         Great teamwork and developing great working relationships

I feel that these assessments are most important to my core values for my job.  ERAU holds its employees to a higher standard and I think that any job a person holds they too should hold that company to a higher standard as well.  A company needs to be about integrity, honesty, goals and values for its employees and its customers.  There can be some differences within an organization however.  These changes can be seen in different departments.  Certain directors may be only looking out for themselves and not the greater good of the organization only what the person feels they can get out of it such as financial gain, highly visible recognition.

My current position lines up nicely with the values of the organization.  My director gives us many opportunities to develop our professional skills with training and we get to help make decisions and most times are given the chance to be the one making the decisions as counselors.  As financial aid counselors we are constantly challenged and our roles are very fast paced.  Our job is to problem solve and our team is very close knit and we work well together most of the time.

There aren’t any differences in my values versus those of the organization.  The only big issue we face is that we do not have enough positions in our department so advancement is not easy to do at the moment as we are understaffed.  It can be frustrating when looking to move up within the department.  The one other issue would be that we need to be more “green” since it is something that the university is trying to move to it needs to be done across all aspects of the university not just the main campus.

A521.4.3.RB Subtleties of Communication and Hidden messages

            In chapter 4 Body Languages the authors talk about how more than 50% of our communication is nonverbal.  When you are around someone long enough you can pick up these nonverbal cues quickly.  I know that I am guilty of the incongruence when I am upset or stressed out at work. 

            For example, if I am working on a report that I know I have to get done as soon as possible and a coworker asks if I am busy because they need my help, I convey in my voice that I have plenty of time for them but my body language says something completely different.  When my voice is saying “sure I am glad to help” my shoulders slump and I find that I have to take a deep breath to calm my irritation down.  I am not irritated at my coworker but at my inability to get my work done.  My coworker may not know that I am being incongruent but I do.  If I can make myself more aware of this I can work on decreasing my anxiety and irritation.  I am the type of person who wears their emotions on their sleeve so you know when I am happy or upset just by my facial expression, tone of face and body language.  These are things that can always be improved upon by the exercises in the chapter.

            Body movements for me are another big one.  I gesture or “talk” with my hands a lot and use the nonverbal movements called illustrators.  When I am on the phone giving someone directions or explaining regulations I am actually gesturing as if the person on the phone can see me.  When I am describing something I will draw it out in the air with my hands.  My coworkers have tested me by making me sit on my hands and then talk.  I find that I become distracted and lose my train of thought.  I am not sure how much I can change in this area other than to try to control how much I use my hands by keeping them down by my sides or using smaller gestures.  I do find that it can either get and keep a person’s attention or it becomes a distraction because they are looking at my hands and not my face.  I try to read the person I am talking to and see if they are paying attention to what I am saying or if my gestures are distracting them and I will adjust to this by holding a pen or notepad in my hands to keep from getting carried away.

            One other area in chapter 4 that I found interesting was the proxemics or spatial relationships.  At work we are a close knit group so we mostly fall into the intimate and personal distance areas.  We touch when we talk to each other on the shoulder or arm and when we work on an issue together the personal space between us is very close.  I have noticed that when we converse with other groups we tend to be closer to them than they may be comfortable with and adjustments are made to get into a more comfortable zone with that group.  A big key to making sure I am not making others uncomfortable is to gage their body language and if they are being closed off I know I am too close.

            Chapter 5 Paralanguage and Metamessages was the most interesting for me because it involves vocal aspect of speech such as pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume and rhythm.  I have noticed that when I talk on the phone I use resonance quite often.  When talking to a student who is angry I tend to make my voice a bit stronger to convey my firmness with them and I also articulate my words more and speak slower.  I also tend to soften my voice when I am talking to someone familiar on the phone.  I didn’t realize I did it until one of my coworkers pointed it out.  Then we decided to see if we each did it by listening to each other on the phone and sure enough we tend to change our tone and resonance when we speak to students or campuses on the phone to relate to that person.

            This goes with that saying that if you smile when you are on the phone the person on the other end can “hear” that smile as well and feel more comfortable with you.  If you are irritated it will come through in your voice.  This leads to tempo at which words are spoken.  I am very guilty of being a fast talker and anyone who has met me knows that when I get excited I talk faster.  I have been asked several times if I am from New York because of my fast tempo.  From the chapter I have realized that I also use this fast tempo when I am insecure.  When I think I am losing someone’s attention or I sense they are in a hurry I will talk faster so that I get everything in that I need to say.  I have been asked to slow down when explaining something because the listener couldn’t keep up with what I was saying.  I didn’t realize how fast I talk until I listened to a recording of myself that was used for orientation.  It was supposed to be a 5 minute explanation but I did it in 2 minutes.  Needless to say I had to slow down and do it several more times before it was at a tempo that everyone could follow.

             This is an area I know I need to work on.  One of the things I am trying to do is to slow down my breathing and pause between sentences and make a conscious effort to speak slower.  To my ears I sound like I am talking about as slow as a turtle walks but others find that they can follow my flow better.  When I doing training at our operations center I do make an effort to slow down and I ask if I am going too fast and adjust to my audience.  It is definitely a work in progress.

            One last area in chapter 5 I found interesting is the metamessages.  We may all be guilty of this from one time or another, however I have found after reading this section that there are certain people who do this all the time.  There is a coworker will spout out numbers on everything, “I have worked 100 emails today as well as 15 tickets, 20 call backs and I cleared 50 documents out of my queue.”  The emphasis is on this person and how much they have worked.  This tends to make others in the office feel as if we have done nothing all day long.  We have learned to not let it get to us but one has to wonder why this person feels the need to express themselves this way.  In this area I have done well to improve by not complaining or throwing out numbers as a compliant or gripe.  Yes we are all overloaded and stressed but making a point to complain about it in this way (metamessages) doesn’t do anyone any good.  Some people need to accolades so we let them do what they need to do to feel they are appreciated.

            Chapter 6 Hidden Agendas shed some light on not only me but some of my coworkers as well as family members.  For example, “I’m good” applies to a coworker who feels the need to talk about their wealth (my house is worth $650,000) any chance they get.  They will also make a point in telling their story to constantly paint themselves in a good light no matter what the situation is.  Of course no one is going to go out of their way to talk badly about themselves but I find that this agenda explains a lot about this person.  The agenda “you’re good (but I’m not)” reminds me of several people!  I used to be this way.  Always saying how good someone else was and how bad I was at a particular thing.  I don’t do this anymore but I hear it a lot from others.  For example, “you really understand this new system, I am never going to get it the way you do.”  This is usually followed by a request for help.  I find this as the chapter stated as an excuse to not adapt or change.  I suggest the best way to learn is to practice as that is how I learned.

            The last agenda I want to talk about is the “I’m Tough” agenda.  I read it and then had to reread it again.  This described me to the tee.  I have learned to do many things for myself so I have that chip on my shoulder that says “I don’t need you”.  I would rather fail at something than to ask for help because to me it shows weakness in myself.  I want to show that I am in control at all times.  This is something that I struggle with each day and I work hard to change this “I’m tough” persona. Admitting that I can’t do it all by myself is a big step for me in becoming a better communicator.  I joke at work that I need a sign that says “Confront me if I don’t ask for help”.  I believe my fear is that if I ask for help I will disappoint someone or they will lose faith that I can do it.  It is something that takes time and will be something that I will work on for the rest of my life.  These 3 chapters opened my eyes to different types of communicating and I hope to be able to read these signs better and use what I learned in each chapter to communicate better not only in my professional but personal life as well.          

A521.3.4.RB Personal Reflection

Everyone has a story about something that changed who they are as a person either for the better or worse.  I have two stories that have had a formative impact on who I am today and how I relate to others in my personal and professional life.  I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and it is up to the individual person to find the positive in something that perhaps doesn’t have the outcome we wanted.

          My mom and step father went through a pretty ugly divorce in 1982 when I was around 12 years old.  My mom was dependent on my step father for many things, one being financial as he made more money than she did.  He also worked as a police officer so there was usually someone home to look after my brother, sister and myself.  When he left, he took the car, the TV, and many other household items that were necessary for us to live on.  This was done while we were visiting family in CT so when we came home to an almost empty house it was a big shock for us but especially for my mother. 

          My step father took it a step further and kidnapped my sister with the help other police officers and his family members.  He walked right into our house and picked up my sister (she was only 4 at the time) and used the lights as his signal that he had her and walked out the door with her while my mom tried in vain to keep him from taking her.  She got behind his car to try and stop him and was told by another cop that if she didn’t move out of the way he would arrest her. 

          We stood there as he drove off with my sister having no idea where he was taking her or if we would ever see her again.  Seeing the grief on my mom’s face is something I will never forget.  Soon after this she lost her job because she just couldn’t function and had no transportation. I had to become an adult at 12 years old.  I did everything I could to make sure that she ate so that she could keep up her strength while making sure that my brother and I still got to school and did what was needed including grocery shopping, homework, laundry, cooking, etc.

          After the initial disbelief that this could happen to us she pulled herself together and with the help of friends and family was able to get car and a new job.   She had to learn to do many things that she had always relied on someone else to do.  If there was a problem with the car, she figured out how to fix it.  She had to learn to become an independent person.  After a few months my step dad called my mom and told her he would bring back my sister.

          After this whole situation was over I saw my mom as a completely different person.  She was no longer dependent on anyone but she was also less trusting of people as well.  Watching my mom go through everything that she did and how it made her a stronger person whereas others would have given up has made me a big part of who I am today.  I know that I can’t let anything stop me from being the best that I can be.  That there are many people who are willing to help and will be there when the going gets tough.  The saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is something that I keep in my mind because of what we went through.

          From this experience I have learned that it is important to reach out for help when you need it and that though it is okay to depend on others it is also essential to know how to learn and adapt to new things (whether it is a new software program or new regulations).  It took me well into adulthood to understand this but it is something I carry with me every day as a reminder of how strong I am.

          In 1985, I was a sophomore in high school (around 15 years old) and I was a lost soul.  I hated school and swore that when I turned 16 I was dropping out.  I hated everyone and everything and no one could seem to get through to me.  Actually after a while everyone stopped trying to get through to me.  They said it wouldn’t matter and that I wasn’t going to amount to much anyway so why try? 

          My English teacher was a wise woman named Mrs. Meisch.  She had been a teacher for 20 years so she had pretty much seen it all.  She observed me for a few months before she tried to approach me one day during lunch.  Instead of lecturing me or putting me down she asked me how I was doing.  I didn’t even know how to respond to this.  Someone was talking to me and not at me for once.  She pushed my bangs out of my eyes so that she could see my face and she just talked to me.  She asked me about my life, my family, my friends, and why I was feeling that way I was.  No one else had done this. 

          She told me that I was the only person who could change me and that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought about me it only mattered what I thought about myself.  She found out that I had a love for dance and told me about auditions there at school for a dance troupe.  Her encouragement and positive outlook forced me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to do something about it.  I auditioned and made the dance troupe.  It was because of her that my outlook on school and life changed.  I stopped making myself the victim of my circumstances and did something about it.  This today is a big reason why I strive to be the best I can be.  I don’t let failures stop me from learning and growing.  I am not afraid of disappointing anyone else because I know I am giving my best and that is all anyone can ask for.  I maintain a positive outlook on everything as well.

          These two situations have had such a big impact on my life.  No one can change who you are only you can do that and only if you want to truly change for the better.  I had had many things shape who I am today, some good and some bad but throughout it all I have come out of it with a better understanding of who I am as a person and I learn, grow and adapt from them.  This has helped me become a better listener, problem solver, show compassion for others and a great team player in my organization.  

A521.2.3.RB Danger of Stories

This weeks TED video was powerful and eye opening.  Chimamanda Adichie was funny and told a very interesting, very pointed story about the “single story”.  I believe that we all at some point in our life have experienced the “single story” which is another way of stereotyping.   As children, especially girls, we listen to our parents read us stories of fairytale endings, the prince always rescues the princess and they go off to live happily ever after.  This single story though not negative puts that sensory message into a child’s head that as a girl or woman we must be rescued and that is the only way we will be happy.  We picture our “prince” riding in on his white horse, slaying the dragon and sweeping us literally off our feet to the magical castle where nothing ever goes wrong.

Chimamanda realized this single story when she went to visit Fede and his family in their village.  From the sensory messages her mother was giving her she pictured a poor family who had nothing.  Her single story was that Fede and his family were poor and had nothing because that was all she was told.  She formed her own conclusions as to what their family life was like based on her mother’s reminders that Fede was poor and had nothing.

I have experienced the single story myself.  I grew up living in a mobile home park more commonly known as a trailer park.  I would listen to people tell jokes and make fun of people who lived in these mobile homes as being ignorant, toothless rednecks who lived on food stamps and were very undereducated.   That their yards would have at least one car on bricks and maybe even a toilet or two scattered in the yard.   I even had a coworker who would describe a person usually a female as “trailer trash” and then she would look at me and say “oh no offense”.  By her saying this she was using the information she had been given, her “single story” and made the assumption that I too lived this way.  By saying “no offense” to me it was her excuse to continue to make these assumptions and thinking that I too lived like this even though I explained several times that where I lived wasn’t like that. 

It hit home for me when she talked about immigration and how she bought into the single story about connecting immigration with Mexicans because well when you turn the television or open a newspaper that is all you see.  I too realized that I was doing the same thing without knowing the whole story.  We are surrounded by the single story each day through television, newspapers and even social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter.

Chimamanda made some really wonderful points when she talked about creating a single story and how easy it is to do this by only representing only one side and only that side.  She goes on to state that though a single story is not untrue, it only shows one side and that story is incomplete because of this only one story is told but it is not complete you are not getting the whole story.  This video really made me aware that we experience the single story many times over and it is up to us to break the cycle of the single story because only then will we become empowered.

How I got scammed and how to spot one!

Every day we hear about how gullible men and women get scammed by people who claim to love them and get them to send these scammers money all the while they are lying and stealing not only trust but their hard-earned money.  These people will use anything they can to win your trust and most importantly they find your weak spot and prey on it until they have you where they want you and then they leap into action by getting you to sell your belongings, empty your savings account, and crush your dreams of believing all the lies they told you.  We all want to be loved, to be told we are beautiful, handsome, funny, caring, the most wonderful person on earth and this person says they want to share all these things with us.

I am about to share my own experience with one of these people.  Before we start though I will say I didn’t give him any money and went with my gut instinct (albeit a little late) on this because things weren’t adding up but I feel that it is important to understand how easy it is to get drawn into these situations and how to spot the red flags.

I was a member on a dating website and got an email from a guy who said all the right things to start “Hello Gorgeous, How are you doing hope you are well by the Grace of God as i am here,Well am new here on the site my name is Gray and will like to know more about you after reading your profile, if you don't mind you can drop me mail through my private email to tell you more about me and also send you my pictures.As am not always here on the site ( majorgraymiller a t y a h u u d o t cm ) hope to hear from you soon thank you...bye”  First sign here is the improper use of “I” and using things like “grace of God, God bless you”. Other telltale signs are the incorrect use of grammar and the fact that they want you to immediately email them through their personal email. 

The reason for this is that it is harder to track and report.  They may even tell you to close your account on the website because you mean so much to them they would just die if they “loss” you to another man.  Most will claim to have an accent and be from another country like Italy to explain their improper grammar.

My reply was very short and I said I was interested in hearing what he had to say.  His first email to me was very long and seemed to spell out his whole life story and included pictures of him as a very attractive soldier.  You can’t go wrong with a soldier, right?  You can trust them after all they serve and protect us.  Everything seemed to add up at first. 

So things are going well and within 2 days this person is confessing his love to me and how he wants to spend his life with me and how the ocean can’t keep us apart that it is only a matter of time before we will be together and spend our lives together.  He said his wife died 5 years ago and left him and his 10-year-old son here alone.  Then it comes….he has a secret that he can’t trust anyone with.  He told me that he had been given $2.5 million because he had saved the life of one of Iraq’s wealthy men’s wife.  Right off the bat, I was very suspicious of this. first of all why this wealthy man’s wife would be anywhere near where there was fighting and second that no one would think twice of letting this civilian onto the camp with a briefcase and no one searched it or questioned why the man would want to speak to him alone.

He claimed that the man was so grateful that his wife’s life was spared he had to pay him the only way he knew how.  And he had been sitting on this money for 3 months and needed to get it out of the country because they would be coming home soon and he needed this money to start his new life with me.

So of course he needed to know the nearest airport where this diplomat could drop off the package and he was trusting me with this money because he had no one else in the world he could trust.  I was to “pay” this diplomat for his services as a tip since he would be paying him on his end as well.  I questioned this as well because why would the military let this “guy” in the camp to take things back stateside to family members when soldiers were able to ship things home all the time.  He made up some lame story about how he has worked with this person for 15 years and everyone used this guy….blah blah blah.

Other red flags to this were that he couldn’t make any phone calls and I couldn’t see him on the webcam because security was really tight.  I am pretty sure all camps have phones and internet connections so soldiers can call home so he's telling me he couldn’t, was, of course, a lie of very many lies.  He did “risk” going into the commander’s tent so that I could see his face so that I would know he was real. This person looks similar to the pictures that he sent me which I am sure are done this way for a reason.

After a few days, he asked if I had heard from the diplomat, and when I said no he acted like he was very worried and that something had to have happened.  Of course, within a few hours, I get an email from the diplomat saying he had arrived in Ghana and that things were ok but that the customs agents had taken the package and were demanding to scan it unless the diplomat paid them $5000 so they would “look the other way”.  So the diplomat says he could only come up with $2700 but needed the other $2300 so that he could pay the custom agents.

My first question to “Gray” was, if this person is traveling the world to deliver packages surely he would carry enough money to deal with these types of situations.  I just kept asking him lots of questions but at every turn, he had an answer for why.  These people are very smart and they have been doing this for many years.  When I told him I couldn’t give him any money he tried to play on my emotions by saying that it was all the money he had and that he wanted to start a life with me and needed this money to do it.  When I continued to say no he begged harder and made promises that if I could just borrow the money from someone he would pay them back with interest.

I still refused and of course, NEVER had any intentions of giving him money to begin with.   I did some research and found out that the pictures he had sent weren’t him and that he had scammed many women so I told him I had busted him that I knew this person wasn’t him.  Then he confessed that the pictures he had sent me were his friend and that he really loved me and asked me to forgive him and then he started asking about the money again.  He kept emailing me and I finally had to block his email, messenger, and Skype so he can’t contact me anymore.

I felt really stupid for falling this scam and after doing more research online I found out I wasn’t alone and that many men and women go through this every day and many aren’t so lucky to figure out who these people are until they have given these scammers lots of money and have had their hearts broken.  I was lucky because I am cynical I guess though his words had me fooled in the beginning and I fell for his lies but got out when I grew suspicious.   The best thing you can do is go with your gut, if it doesn’t sound right or is too good to be true block, delete and ignore!  If you know someone this happened to DON’T lecture them on how they moved too fast or are too trusting, etc. just be there for them and be a shoulder if they need it.  The last thing they want to feel is even worse than they already do.  

Check out these websites for more information:

http://www.romancescams.org/

http://www.romancescams.org/RedFlags.html

http://www.whoscammedyou.com/scams/13779/Gray_Miller